The Marriage Prayer

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Spent the weekend in Houston. Got to share The Marriage Prayer at Friendswood Methodist with about a dozen couples on Friday night. It reminded me of the great scene from The Princess Bride...



On a serious note, The Marriage Prayer is a book, an evening couples event and an actual prayer. It reminds us of the importance of praying for our spouse every day, and of several keys to marriage:

Faithfulness, which brings security
Priority, that after God, our spouse should be our top priority
Purpose, to bring our spouse into God's presence
Unity, because we are one flesh
Attitude, we should encourage our spouse daily
and the Goal of Marriage - to bring God glory.

 I really enjoyed being with those couples and sharing about the struggles and triumphs in my own marriage.

But the GREATEST part of doing these is it reminds me how blessed I am to have a really, really wonderful wife.

The Clemmer family, Summer '10

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A Good Read...NYT: What is it about 20-somethings? & Driscoll's WP Response

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A great article in the New York Times about the 20-something generation. This article cites some empirical research. here's a excerpt:

One-third of people in their 20s move to a new residence every year. Forty percent move back home with their parents at least once. They go through an average of seven jobs in their 20s, more job changes than in any other stretch. Two-thirds spend at least some time living with a romantic partner without being married. And marriage occurs later than ever. The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation.

Mark Driscoll responded to this article with an op-ed in the Washington Post called The World is Filled with Boys Who Can Shave. He points out the impact of this specifically on men, challenging guys in their 20's to grow up. He challenges guys in this age bracket:

Men are supposed to be producers, not just consumers. You're defined by the legacy, the life, and the fruit that come out of you, not by what you take in. But most guys are just consumers.

Two great articles on this topic.

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Daily Read from the White Horse Inn blog: "Morally Therapeutic Deism"

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Great post from WHI about 'fake christianity' trend in our culture. Some would say Glenn Beck is in this camp, but I'm not sure.

From the blog post: "CNN online recently featured an article on Kenda Creasy Dean’s new book Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers is Telliing the American Church (Oxford University Press, 2010)." Here's a quote cited from her book.

The problem does not seem to be that churches are teaching young people badly, but that we are doing an exceedingly good job of teaching youth what we really believe, namely, that Christianity is not a big deal, that God requires little, and the church is a helpful social institution filled with nice people…

Ouch!

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Why I don't like most blog posts...and why I really like some

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I manage the facebook page for Man in the Mirror, and I've started to post a message every morning called Your Morning Read. I look around for interesting blog posts or articles that I think the constituency of MIM would find helpful or interesting and give them a link.

As I have been looking for stuff to post, I realized that I have a reasonably simple set of criteria that I have been using to recommend a link. It's the same criteria I use to determine if I want to read something myself:
Relevance - This is the most obvious one. I read stuff that matters to me.
Writing - Poor writing quickly loses my interest.
Challenge - I love reading something that challenges me to think differently, be better, confront my own hypocrisy.
Length - Esoteric? Maybe. But this has become one of my crucial criteria. Do you have a lot of time to read blogs? People that talk just because they like the sound of their own voice bug me. I'm beginning to notice that about some bloggers as well, especially those who post daily. When a blog post goes on and on, I get the sense that it's just train of thought. Maybe there's some pressure to "meet deadline", and not enough editing time to put out a concise insight.
Self-contained - If I have to read too many previous postings to understand what this one is talking about, I lose interest.
Story - Take me somewhere. I will read previous postings if there is a narrative that is compelling. The best example I can give of this is the Wrestling with an Angel blog.
I could add other things as well: humor, a unique perspective, sarcasm (sometimes), humility.

So, I'll start posting some of these blogs here. Why say something that someone else can say better?  Look for those postings under, Your Daily Read. Enjoy!

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"Wannabe Cool" Christianity...Maybe Not as Bad as You Think

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Someone sent me this article recently from the Wall St. Journal: The Perils of 'Wannabe Cool' Christianity http://tinyurl.com/2dpzstj. The writer is a 27-year old self-professed evangelical who is frustrated with some of the trends of Christianity of late. He mentions pastors with $80 haircuts and metro styles, sermons about sex and hip cultural references. He is specific in his criticisms, and even names names.

Being in ministry full time, I am often frustrated by the ministries and personalities that seem to get all the attention because they are flashy. Meanwhile, I am just trying to help regular guys in churches disciple men more effectively.

So I read the article the first time and thought, “Yeah! Right on!” Then I felt a conviction that has become a regular “pricking of my heart” from God lately...

I have become increasingly hesitant to criticize what others in the Christian world are doing. I'm talking about style, not substance. Criticizing a guy for his $80 haircut is easy. On the other hand, I took a 10 minute shower this morning and didn’t give it a second thought, even though millions of people around the world have limited or no access to clean drinking water.

The “sex” talks may strike some as crass, but I know that Mark Driscoll is earnestly seeking to reach unchurched men in their 20’s. This is what they’re thinking about. I watched this video. I wish more pastors were willing to speak as frankly and directly (and Biblically) about issues like this. Though maybe not in the Sunday morning service. Maybe.

I thank God for Mark Driscoll and some of those other guys. He is using them in His own way. Frankly, it’s not my business whether He chooses to give them more or less “success” in ministry than my efforts, or those of my ministry or my church. I just need to be faithful to my calling.

Rather than focus on what others should or shouldn’t be doing, I think we should focus on God’s call to us to reach our community and the world with the Gospel.

Forgive me. I know that I'm probably being as self-righteous as it may seem that I am accusing the author of being. But then again, we're both named Brett.

The Real Meaning of Redemption

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Just read an article in the Wall Street Journal online about Manute Bol. Remember him? 7 feet 7 inches tall, about as graceful as an ostrich. I always kind of liked the guy. I have no idea why.

He died earlier this year of complications from a skin disease he contracted helping people in his native Sudan. He died mostly broke, though he made $6 million or so during his career. Where did the money go? Gambling? Expensive houses and cars? Nope. He gave it away to help people in Africa. Why? He was motivated by his love for his people and his Christian faith.

As this article notes, Manute showed us the real meaning of redemption. It's not about me being redeemed, it's about doing everything in my power to bring redemption to others.

Manute Bol. A real hero.

Read the rest of the story in this great article by Jon Shields: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704853404575323043046894012.html

Chandler Mountain Challenge

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Had an awesome time climbing at HorsePens40 during the Chandler Mountain Challenge on Super Bowl weekend. It was a crazy weekend with lousy weather, but an awesome to hang out with family and meet some new friends.

My cousins and aunt and uncle live in Birmingham, so we drove there on Friday and stayed overnight. My folks flew down from Troy, MI to see us (and my mom's sister). That was a miracle in itself, as my mom's health has prevented her from doing much for a couple of years now. Amazing what a little brain surgery can do for ya! (You heard me -- brain surgery.)

Anyway, we drove up to HP40 through rain and sleet on Saturday, hung out for an hour waiting to see if the weather would clear, and then...drove back to Birmingham. Comp postponed to Sunday...Super Bowl Sunday!

The family all agreed to climb on Sunday and hustle back for at least the second half of the "big game." So off we went on Sunday morning. And it was COLD! Too cold for Jackson to even want to climb for the first 4 hours of the comp. (Smart dude. He still won his age division even though he spent a few hours learning the finer points of checkers from Howard Schultz, the HP40 owners' father.) I know they say the cold air helps with friction, but if you can't feel  your fingers, what good does friction do ya?

Cassidy, Kimberly and I climbed...OK, Cassidy and I climbed. This was Kimberly's first time outdoors and she just couldn't do anything hard. I got so caught up in finding Cassidy and myself stuff to climb, that I earned the crappy husband of the year award for not paying attention to my wife. She persevered and toward the end of the day we found some routes that were perfect for her. She ended up taking 3rd place in women's!!! Cassidy took 2nd. My women rock!!!

As for me, I learned how easy it is for me to get caught up in good things and ignoring the best things. Taking care of my wife was a best thing, and it took me all day to do it - and, I'm ashamed to say, a few weeks to realize how bad I'd made her feel. I get so caught up in my own world so often that I miss the bigger picture.

As a husband, my job is to put my wife first - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Too often I forget to take care of her, often in the guise of, "I don't want her to think that I think she can't handle it." Honestly? That's just a copout. What I really don't want is for her to cramp my style. Pretty self-centered.

So guys, if you're reading this, here's my take: God gave us our wives and it's our job to take care of them first. Just like Christ takes care of his bride, the Church, to the point of taking on all the penalties for our sins. I am supposed to put my wife first, ahead of what I feel I deserve or I'm entitled to.

I can't wait to take her back to HP40 and spend the whole day finding routes she can climb. I want her to love rock climbing, not for me (OK, a little for me), but because it makes her feel like she's accomplishing great things. At our age, we need new accomplishments!

By the way, the folks from Solid Rock Climbers for Christ http://www.srcfc.org/ put this event on, and they did a great job, especially considering the conditions. I was excited to be able to share a little bit after the climbing. I talked about faith in a person - Jesus - not in a religion. The competitors were very gracious. I spoke quick...it was cold and there were prizes to be awarded!

Thanks to Brad Killough and his family, Ryan Bolen, Jonathon Parker and the Schultz's for a very fun day, and a good lesson.

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Photo credits: Kimberly Clemmer

Boulderpalooza 2010 - A Lesson in Fairness & Fathering

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Boulderpalooza 2010 is in the record books, with some shocking results for the Clemmer family.

Cassidy and I went up for the competition last weekend. Jackson's first flag football game was the next day, and he wisely thought he should attend the last practice before the game...which got cancelled due to weather 30 minutes after we left. Aauugghh!!

Anyway, we had a great time climbing. The comp was well set and well run. Props to the Gainesville Rock Gym and the sponsors for a fun, fun time. The ending is what was so surprising.

Only 2 Open climbers showed up (the highest level, kind of like 'pros'). So one of Cassidy's climbing friends who would probably normally climb Advanced jumped into the Open category. This makes sense, since there was a cash prize for 1st thru 3rd place in Open. She is a GREAT climber, and she finished with more points than Cassidy in the red point section of the comp; 3rd in the Open division. Cassidy finished first in Advanced. Everybody's happy!

Then, they decided that Cassidy climbed too well to be in Advanced, so they bumped her into Open, which has a finals climbing competition. Which would have been pretty cool if there wasn't a cash prize for Advanced too. So, she climbed in the Open Finals On Sight and finished 4th. No victory in Advanced, since she was bumped out, and no money in Open. Pretty frustrating, especially considering she's a teenager, not a pro, and she entered Advanced appropriately.

It has been a lesson for us both. The good news is, of course, at 15 she got bumped into the top division of a comp with prize money involved. She beat the next climber in Advanced by a ton of points, and every route she completed she did on her first try (a "flash").  We've learned about pacing yourself for finals a bit, and Cassidy got great exposure to the sponsors (hello, La Sportiva? My daughter's shoes have holes in the toes and she LOVES her Solutions! Hint! Hint!), as well as practice climbing in front of a crowd that should help her at Sport Climbing Youth Nationals this year, Lord willing that she qualifies.

I also had to learn to control my emotions as I spoke to the organizers about the decision they made to bump her up. It was a compliment to her climbing, but perhaps not a "fair" decision in light of the circumstances. I was impressed with Pat from the gym, who listened to my frustration, expressed their reasoning clearly, and allowed that though they felt the made the best decision they could under the circumstances, they might not make the same decision the next time they faced this situation. I think I kept my cool, explained my feelings as a dad, and a coach.

Pat said they would have a debriefing and maybe ("I can't promise anything") they would be able to do something for her. (They gave TONS of stuff away through raffles and she got shut out of that as well. Including free La Sportiva shoes..."Hello? La Sportiva? Did I mention Cassidy's Solutions have holes? Oh, I guess I did.) I haven't heard from them and I don't know if I will. It would be nice for them to follow up.


It's been perhaps the greatest lesson to me as a father. What better opportunity to help your children learn to face adversity and the "unfairness" of life (in a fallen world) than something like this. I wanted to tell her she was robbed! The people running the comp had it in for her! It would be so easy to put her in the position of being a victim. And I'm sure a little of the leaked out.

But I was proudest of her reaction. She was, of course, devastated at the lost opportunity to win the Advanced Division in an adult bouldering comp, and especially the 300 bucks that went with it. But after a little while of crying on daddy's shoulders (oh, did THAT suck! my heart was breaking...), she pulled herself together. Her facebook status later on that evening showed her positive attitude:

boulderpalooza was a blassst. and im such a beastly climber i got bumped to open from advanced. hahaha.

 Wow!!!

So, lessons learned:

• LIfe is not fair. (Duh!)
• My daughter has an amazing capacity to overcome adversity and not be mad at the world. I am still working on this.
• My daughter is a gifted climber. Beastly.
• Being a dad often means helping your kids deal with frustration, not fixing it.

Oh, and one more thing. I won the Men's Beginner division. Haha! The prize? A new rope and a pair of climbing shoes. (Evolv shoes. Cassidy wants La Sportiva's. She's loyal.)

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Photo: Cassidy on the first of 3 routes in the Open finals. Thank you to Patrick Gallagher for posting this pic on his facebook photo album, Boulderpalooza 2010

Merry Christmas! And Here is Luke's Account

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In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.


So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

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Hoarding Life

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Heard a great sermon on Sunday. My pastor, Pete Alwinson, is talking about Peace this Advent season. One of the points he has made is that the Christian faith often causes one to lose peace - the peace that is found in complacency in particular. He used this great quote from Wm. Barclay:
I can see how I "hoard life" sometimes. I want it to be comfortable. I want my family to be comfortable, and my job to be comfortable and my church to be comfortable... Working in ministry makes it even easier to be like this, because I've always got a convenient comeback to those feelings that maybe I'm not really living my life in a way that builds the Kingdom as effectively as it could. I can always hark back to some ministry experience that blunts the barb of Christian conscience.

There is no place for a policy of safety first in the Christian life. The man who seeks first ease and comfort and security and the fulfillment of personal ambition may well get all these things, but he will not be a happy man; for he was sent into this world to serve god and to serve His fellow man. A man can hoard life, if he wishes to do so. But that way he will lose all that makes life valuable to others and worth living for himself.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on myself. I just want to be honest with myself about the ramifications of my faith.  Patrick Morley quotes Dr. Schaeffer in his book, The Man in the Mirror, and points out the two "impoverished values" of personal peace  and affluence.

Personal peace means just to be let alone, not to be troubled by the troubles of other people, whether across the world or across the city -- to live one's life with minimal possibilities of being disturbed...Affluence means an overwhelming and ever-increasing prosperity -- a life made of things, things and more things -- a success judged by an ever-higher level of material abundance. (from Frances Schaeffer, How Should We Then Live, 1976)

I want to be sure that I am not committed to ease, comfort, ambition, personal peace and affluence - that I am not "hoarding my life" - so that I miss out on what I could be doing to make a difference in the world.


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